Reading Response - "Aftermath of Katrina"

In reading what appears to be an example of a previous English 102 student's work, I have come across a number of things I feel important to take note of. First off, I feel the incorporation of questions throughout a paper can greatly add to the overall strength as it works to engage the audience in the piece. However, too many questions can become distracting, just as their placement  may disrupt the flow. One particular instance of a disruptive incorporation (in my opinion) lies in the second paragraph as I feel it forces an unnecessary repetition. I myself often go a little overboard with the incorporation of questions in my papers, ultimately proving to weaken my writing. 

Also in the second paragraph, I noticed an incorporation of the pronoun "I." We discussed in class our feelings about the use of this particular pronoun in research papers. I wouldn't go as far as to say one should never incorporate first person into their research papers in this way, however, throughout the years of my schooling, it has been repeatedly beaten in my head that we should avoid the use of "I." For this reason, I am skeptical about using it in my papers as I agree that it takes away from the authority of the piece. As another side note pertaining to this sentence in the piece, I was taught it is unnecessary to tell the audience exactly what you are going to talk about in advance, as they will discover this on there own in reading your work. Therefore, in the instance of the incorporation of "I" in this student's work, I feel it is detracting from the good writing and information that surrounds it in the paper.

Yet another mental note I have made for myself is the way in which this 'author' provides elaboration for his/her included quotes. In my past writing experiences, I have failed to master the art of elaborating and expanding the ideas I incorporate from my sources. Too much elaboration can make the audience feel as though they are being talked down to. However, in the overall picture, I suppose too much elaboration is better than not enough as failing to elaborate may lead to immense confusion in the readers' eyes. I feel that the author of this piece has successfully provided the right amount of elaboration for the cited material. 

One last thought. I feel the paper to be strong based on the included information, however, there are grammatical errors and wordiness that detract from the strength of the piece. One of my biggest pet peeves in writing is when it is unclear to which word a pronoun refers. It makes reading the piece confusing and disrupts the flow of the paper. Though overall, I feel this student did an adequate job with the piece.